It's always hard to let go of certain things.
Today I went into my closet and finally took some old dress clothes out, a suit, two pairs of pants and a couple of shorts.
The suit, a single breasted Ralph Lauren was the suit I bought to go to my brother in law Pascal's wedding. it was a replacement for an even older suit (me being a guy who hates clothes shopping) that was so old that had I held onto it 5 more years, it would have come back into style. I tried it on to see how big it was, if it could be salvaged or altered and it wrapped around me almost twice. I looked at the tag on the jacket, because I had to have it altered because it was too big for me a few years ago.
The suit, a single breasted Ralph Lauren was the suit I bought to go to my brother in law Pascal's wedding. it was a replacement for an even older suit (me being a guy who hates clothes shopping) that was so old that had I held onto it 5 more years, it would have come back into style. I tried it on to see how big it was, if it could be salvaged or altered and it wrapped around me almost twice. I looked at the tag on the jacket, because I had to have it altered because it was too big for me a few years ago.
It was a 56 Regular.
I'm still a little in shock. The pant's are huge, the other pairs, while not quite as big are still too big. So I added them all to the pile of clothing to be donated.
I'm still not used to the "new" me.I've basically lost the equivalent of a 12 year old boy from my body. When I was bigger, I felt like there was a layer of security to it. I was invisible in certain ways because people didn't expect much from a fat guy. Then I would surprise them with my strength and endurance. I felt a layer of protection of the world, imagined of course. I never let my weight stop me from achieving all of the things I've done in my life. I traveled the world, I dated and eventually married beautiful women, I felt some level of confidence that I could hold my own.
I'm still not used to the "new" me.I've basically lost the equivalent of a 12 year old boy from my body. When I was bigger, I felt like there was a layer of security to it. I was invisible in certain ways because people didn't expect much from a fat guy. Then I would surprise them with my strength and endurance. I felt a layer of protection of the world, imagined of course. I never let my weight stop me from achieving all of the things I've done in my life. I traveled the world, I dated and eventually married beautiful women, I felt some level of confidence that I could hold my own.
I also didn't take photos of myself.
I hated looking at myself in the mirror.
I hid behind a layer of fat.
I let my worse habits (workaholic, overeater, depression) take over my life
I hated looking at myself in the mirror.
I hid behind a layer of fat.
I let my worse habits (workaholic, overeater, depression) take over my life
Now, whatever confidence i feel comes from a different place. I'm active on a level that I haven't been since I was in my twenties. It's nice to be able to walk into a store and buy clothing straight off the rack. it doesn't change who I've always been.
Blessed to be a good husband to a beautiful woman, a good father to a beautiful child and hopefully a good friend and a good man.
So today I begin the process of saying a final goodbye to that part of me, and embracing what I've become and where I'm heading to.
Blessed to be a good husband to a beautiful woman, a good father to a beautiful child and hopefully a good friend and a good man.
So today I begin the process of saying a final goodbye to that part of me, and embracing what I've become and where I'm heading to.
I don't know where the destination will lead me, and it will be a lifelong road towards health and happiness. I'm on it now, and I refuse to turn back.
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